Me: Thank you for agreeing to sit down with yourself.

 

JF: My pleasure. Yours too, I guess.

 

Me: Is it true you spent your formative years herding goats in the mountains of Sicily?

 

JF: Yes. No wait . . . that was someone else. My bad. 

 

Me: No problem. You taught after college, then went to law school, correct? But you don't practice anymore?

 

JF: Correct. I went into law after teaching at a Catholic elementary school. The law had its moments, but it wasn't exactly utter euphoria. Plus, the voices residing in my head kept insisting I share my love of writing with the world. So I changed my life path, just so they'd stop annoying me. 

 

Me: Voices? Really?

 

JF: What, like you don't hear them? Gimme a break.

 

Me: Touché. But were the voices right? About the writing? 

 

JF: Well, winning an award for my flash fiction piece, Psychology for Dummies, convinced me that they might be on to something. So I called upon the fond memories of my teaching days, and wrote my debut novel, Mr. Pizza.

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Me: A worldwide blockbuster, from what my friends tell me.

 

JF: Your social circle must be quite limited.

 

Me: Such modesty. And you've recently completed a second book, correct? The Expiration of Joey and Megan?

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JF: Yes, indeed. Glad to see you've done your homework.

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Me: In the interest of complete candor, I stumbled upon it while searching Amazon for a nose hair trimmer. It was under that section about people who bought this item also bought such and such. Anyway, is this a sequel to Mr. Pizza? 

 

JF: It is. But it's a stand-alone, so you needn't have read the first book to understand what's going on. It picks up 12 years after the first book ends. 

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Me: Is it any good?

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JF: Um, gosh. I think it is. What kind of an idiotic question is that to ask an author? 

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Me: It's called hard-hitting news reporting. 

 

JF: Ah yes. Yet another pathetic example of what passes for journalism these days. 

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Me:  I resent that. Not that that necessarily makes it untrue. Anyway, moving on, regarding your photo on the left there, it's hard to read your facial expression. Not sure what look you were going for, but I'm sensing an undercurrent of anger. Are you angry by nature?

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JF: Shut up.

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At which point the interview abruptly ended.

 

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